Proudly a Fool Child

“Fool-Child”
From the Voyager Tarot
by James Wanless, Ph.D.
© 1986 James Wanless and Ken Knutson, and used by permission of the author

Like the fetus and dependent child, live on faith in the order of the universe. Know that you are taken care of. In accepting this law (trust in the Universe), you can be the Fool; you can relax, be yourself, take risks, play.  As the innocent Fool and wide-eyed Child, be open and curious. This receptive state of mind makes you intuitive, original, spontaneous and present. Allow your natural genius expression. Like the child, you have tremendous vitality, a youthful energy that wants to move about, experience and learn. If you occasionally fall on your face, that’s part of growing.  As the number of this card, zero, you are like spirit, you are everywhere and nowhere, lost and secure, young but wise, silly yet serious. Follow the spirit (your toucan angel guides) rather than the practical and conventional. Taking such a leap of faith may allow you to be fooled in a worldly sense, but it also gives you a rebirth through a mystical, transcendent experience which brings a breath of fresh air (Ehecatl —the Aztec wind god), a new life and a new beginning.

From the very beginning of this journey from the point at which I decided to make my trip to Peru a reality I have been operating under the frequency of the Fool Child.  Stepping off the cliff into never before explored territories physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually has proven to be one of the toughest things I’ve done and at the same time one of the biggest blessings I’ve received since being born into this life time.  Through the many hikes that I’ve done in the awe-inspiring Andes mountains of the sacred valley of Peru the lessons of learning to live through the heart and ultimately by my faith in the universe has expanded to deeper levels.  As I hike the narrow trails of the mountains around Ollantaytambo, often overlooking steep precipices and cliffs into deep valleys of rivers and ancient fallen stones, I’m reminded of the reason I made this journey in the first place.

To step off into the unknown without the ability to fully see what lies ahead as I place one foot in front of the other is likened to my hikes in the surrounding mountains of this valley.  Like many of the trails traversing the sides of these steep mountains, you often can’t see what lies ahead.  In many cases, the trail up ahead seems to head straight over the cliff and it isn’t until you reach the apex of that blind spot that you see there is more of the trail to continue trekking on.  Sometimes you can see the trail for a half a mile or so and many times the trail is obscured by a corner or another incline that doesn’t reveal the fact that there’s more of that trail beyond the blind spot.  Then you realize that you are safely able to continue forward in your journey.

This has been the case with my trip here in Peru.  Most of the time I have felt like I’ve been blinded by several corners or inclines where I was not able to see what lie ahead and other times the view to the other parts of my path have been very clear providing a brief respite in my fears or anxiety of what possibly might be waiting for me on the other side.

Today was one of those types of days.  It’s Halloween and tomorrow it will be nearly one month from making another big leap in my already amazing journey of growth and expansion.  I woke up with an usual amount of anxiety in my body this morning.  My emotions were in extra-sensitive mode.  I started out by doing a few things that I normally do when the energy in my body gets too intense.  Then I got up and decided to take a shower and eat some breakfast to see if I could shift some of this energy.  The kitchen/dining area of the hostel where everyone eats breakfast in the morning was completely full.  ”Great!”, as I thought to myself.  I really needed some quiet time where I didn’t have to interact with people and could sit quietly, eat my breakfast and try to process what I was feeling.  But that wasn’t going to happen.

I greeted everyone in the kitchen with resistance and with a half-baked smile wondering how I was going to make it through this breakfast without breaking down.  I poured a cup of coffee, made up a couple of pieces of bread with some butter and pineapple jelly and was immediately engaged into a conversation with a new couple that arrived last night.  They were from Canada and talking about their plans while being in Peru.  Their journey just began.  I quickly settled into being curious about their plans as they retorted back with questions of their own about how long I had been here, which quickly turned into an explanation of why I was here in Peru for as long as I had been.  I was not in the mood to go through this explanation as I had many times in the past but with a much more willing spirit.

With a smile and as sincere attempt as I could, I made it through the conversation, my eggs, coffee and another helping of bread and quickly dismissed myself with the sole intention of climbing back into bed knowing that I had more work to do with this energy that was consuming me.  I crawled back under the covers, put on my headphones with my theta sounds music and determined that I was not going to climb out of this bed until I could diminish this energy enough to continue on with my day.  I started at 9:30am and didn’t climb out of bed again until nearly 12:30pm.  During the course of working through this energy I prayed and meditated only to find the energy getting more and more intense.  Where was this energy coming from?  Was this my energy or someone else’s?

By the end of the “I just wanna crawl into a cave and disappear” session I figured out that some of this anxiety of was not mine and some of it was.  The “wasn’t mine” part had to do with picking up on the sadness and anxiety of my friend from Australia who just today decided she needed to go back home for awhile.  She had originally planned to stay in Peru for another 6 months but the universe through other circumstances made it clear otherwise.  This will be a very emotional departure for her as she has been on a very similar journey of growth as myself and we have developed a special bond because of it.  Her bond to other aspects of her journey are also a source of sadness with the reality that she has to detach from the attachments that she made since being here…an energy that I’m all too familiar with.

The “was mine” part was due to the fact that I was beginning to process the energy of having to leave Ollantaytambo in a month and the starting of another change in my environment.  I was also facing having to change hostels again.  I had grown accustom to staying at Casa de Wow but ever since getting back from Bolivia I had sensed that the energy here for me had shifted but wasn’t sure what that shift was all about until I left my room to head out for the day.

The owner of the hostel asked me if we could have a “check-in” talk.  In two days I was going to have leave the hostel because of a dramatic change in plans that was supposed to take me to another hostel two days earlier where I would be doing some work-trade in exchange for renting a room.  Well, that situation ended up taking a big dive off the cliff.  Last Friday, I headed over to the Full Moon lodge which is being run by a young kid for his uncle who lives in Miami.  This young man and I had talked even before I went to Bolivia that he very badly wanted me to do work-trade for him after I got back.  We confirmed that after I returned from Bolivia and set the date of last Saturday for me to move into his hostel and begin the work-trade.  That previous Friday I went over to visit him and to take him a hand-made reservation book that I worked up for him to help him organize his reservations only to be told that he would not be able to do that work-trade program with me. This was because his uncle (the owner of Full Moon Lodge) was going to be in town for longer than was originally planned.  And that his uncle was sleeping in the room that I was going to occupy.

SO…as you see, these plans were not meant to be and I was no longer scheduled to stay at Casa de Wow starting the next day. Long story short, Winn from Casa de Wow, had a last minute cancellation so I was able to retain my room for at least another 3 nights.  However, after that I was going to have to find another place to stay.

This ended up being part of the anxiety that I was feeling today.  But I also knew that this was one of those situations where the universe or my higher self was reminding me not to get too comfortable and that it was important that I keep mixing things up. Stagnation is not a good thing for me right now.  I think because there is so much shifting going on inside of me that it would be too easy for me to fall back into some old patterns that at one time had kept me in a holding pattern longer than I should have been.  I also realized that staying at Casa de Wow was not for my highest good and my best growth.  Then again, all is in divine order, right?

Just like the Fool Child stepping off the cliff into the abyss of the unknown with faith and courage, once again I’m stepping into the ever changing and unknowing path of my conscious journey.  I sometimes feel lost but up to this point the universe has yet to fail to provide some kind of solid ground for me to step out onto.  I’ve slipped a few times but I haven’t broken any bones or disabled my ability to keep moving forward.  I’ve been met with amazing personalities, growth building situations, unexpected shifts in consciousness and thought paradigms, and an ultimate realization that I am changing, growing and strengthening my very soul’s constitution in every moment that I chose to step forward instead of retreating and staying in fear.  My very being is changing into a new “ME” every second as I move closer to the divine being that I originally started out as who is unlimited in what he is capable of doing and accomplishing.

On November 30th I will be heading back to Lima, Peru and eventually back to the jungle in Pucallpa to the northeast of the sacred valley where I first began my journey in May of 2011.  This time I will be taking on the responsibility of facilitating the Ayahuasca retreats for Tierra Vida Healing Retreats instead of volunteering.  Who would have thought?

As I look back over the months being in Ollantaytambo and each of my journeys that I’ve done in and around this amazing Incan village, I realize that each moment has lead up to this point of being ready to take on this next challenge.  I also realize that each hike I’ve taken, each fear that I’ve faced, each journey outside of Ollantaytambo and every interaction that I have had with people from all over the world has helped me to expand and grow to the point of being ready to perform yet another important role in my own personal development and journey into the unknown.

As I have more and more experiences of walking this path of faith and learning to follow and find the path of least resistance by being in the flow and seeing that I am completely responsible for every experience that I have, more and more of the fear and resistance that I create becomes less and less of my actual experience along the way.  One day, I see myself gliding easily through many of the situations that once used to cause fear and anxiety within myself.  I can honestly say that I am proud to be a Fool Child walking in this world!