The Heart-Shaped Perspective

So far this journey has been like being on the edge of my seat all the time and I suppose, as of today, it’s not really much different. Circumstances, elements, energies and feelings are shifting once again and once again I’m findig myself in the position of really putting my trust in the universe and myself.

The other day I took a hike to one of the sites that I journeyed to called Pumamarca back in August and September during a San Pedro ceremony with several friends.  Pumamarca is an ancient Incan warrior spiritual training site where warriors would go to work on their spiritual relationships with themselves and the spirits that supported their culture some 500 years ago.  It was where they went to do their medicine work with San Pedro and whatever other plant medicines they were called to work with.  The end result, of course, being that they developed a much closer relationship with themselves and learned to tap into higher levels of wisdom and personal power.

This hike back to this familiar energy was a day of processing a lot of emotions.  My friend and companion that I had spent quite a bit of time with on various hikes and personal heart-to-heart conversations had left to return back to her home in Australia.  Her sudden decision to return home for another round of “reality checks” instead of staying in Peru was not a surprise to me.  I knew this decision she had been contemplating would eventually take her back to her home in Adelaide for a time but it didn’t ease the void that would occur in my heart from her missing presence.  She has been a great friend and companion along my own journey and we seem to share many of the same struggles and triumphs through out our time together.

As I hiked back to Pumamarca I reminisced on our journey with San Pedro that we took together along with a couple of other good friends back in September, as well as , many other hikes we had taken together.  The energy we shared, the thoughts and feelings we processed together became a deep part of my soul and now she would no longer be there to share these amazing times with.  I felt, as I took each step towards the sacred site, that I was processing a little grief for the both of us as tears of sadness would fall occasionally accompanied by that ever so familiar pressure in my chest from missing a valued companion.  And yet, it would be followed by waves of joy and gratitude for what we had shared, too.  This was but one of the changes now encompassing my world.

The other changes include a few other things.  Some of which I’ve chosen not to share as I feel I need to keep this part of what’s going on with me between me and Source.  However, recently, I have had to change my living situation due in part to controllable and uncontrollable circumstances. I’ve moved into another hostel recently due to some circumstances that fit both categories mentioned before.  Initially, it caused me to be in some fear and even some loneliness as I would no longer be “living” with the few “familiars” that I had grown accustomed to being around.  These familiars are all wonderful people but they would now no longer be a part of my everyday life adding to the initial feeling of loneliness that came over me when my friend from Australia left.  It doesn’t mean that I would not be having contact with them during the rest of my stay here until the end of November, however, it simply means that I will no longer be waking up to breakfast and experiencing the daily grind with them.  Perspective!

The other things that changed are my ability to have 24/7 access to Wifi in order to keep in touch with family and friends, blogging, research. spanish studies, etc.  This new hostel does not have Wifi access.  Not such a big deal.  Gives me more time to do my local spanish studies and spend a bit more time contemplating this next phase of my life going back to Pucallpa in December. Admittedly, I’m not fully at ease with this transition yet.  Some reasons are obvious and others aren’t quite so obvious. The biggest message I’ve been getting through all of this is to continue to look at the bigger picture rather than all the fine details that make up this puzzle I’m putting together.  But I have been struggling with some continued focus on the finer details.  Every time I go back to the bigger picture though the pressure in my chest eases and I’m suddenly in a better space. So, why do I keep going back to the finer details?  Hell if I know…old habits creeping in perhaps?  I’m definitely working on getting more clarity about this now.

Back to my hike up to Pumamarca.  Along the way I kept noticing all these heart-shaped rocks that kept appearing on my journey. I’ve noticed them before but once they came into my awareness I started noticing them all over the place.  I even took some time to watch the clouds coming into the valley and heading over the mountains on the other side.  At one point, the shadow of a cloud was blanketing the mountain side across from me and it was in the shape of a heart.  Was I bringing this energy into my awareness or was the universe working on my heart and the healing process it was going through?  Either way, it was comforting on some levels to see so many hearts along the way.

Many of these heart-shaped rocks were very obvious and they were in many different sizes but there was this one rock that that I encountered that was not so obvious if you had approached it from another direction.  Only approaching it from the direction I came was I able to see the heart shape of the rock.  This made me realize that I was being given a little piece of wisdom that I had never thought about before. The perspective of something that you are looking at could possibly change the view of the object that you were observing.  What I got from that was even though many things are changing in my physical world lately and depending on the angle of which I’m viewing these changes could very easily change my perspective and thus either create a good or bad feeling within me.  I believe I’m being asked to change the way I’m viewing these changes so that they don’t feel so uncomfortable right now, thus changing my perspective on them.  As I said before, I’m seeing that I need to focus on the bigger picture of this next leg of my journey rather than focusing on finer details.

I didn’t say this was going to be easy.  Since that realization I’ve been back and forth with my feelings trying to find a greater discipline in seeing only the bigger picture.  Unfortunately, the finer details have to appear and be present in order for me to complete this phase. The question is for me, how do I balance the need to pay attention to the finer details with the obvious need to also focus on the bigger picture and thus help me in achieving a more consistant state of well being? Maybe that is to be my next challenge in this month as I wait to transition back to the jungle.

For now, I’ve been blessed with a really cool hostel where the room is done in almost solid wood with a vaulted ceiling and natural round wood beams crossing from wall to all.  I have my own bathroom (which I didn’t in the last hostel).  I also have a set of french doors that look to the southern mountain peaks giving me lots of light and fresh air to circulate in the room.  The size of the room is bigger than where I was and gives me the feeling of lots of space to accommodate my big thoughts and feelings…lol.  The hostel has a big courtyard with lots of living plants and even a few San Pedro cactus that I feel are holding space for me.  There is a large kitchen where I can cook meals and make a comforting cup of coca tea whenever I want.  The hostel seems to be very quiet in spite of it’s size.  It also has a roof top area where you can view the surrounding mountains and ruins 360 degrees.  I’m also blessed with a lot of time to myself at this point.  Even though it can feel a little lonely because I’m used to there always being people around, I feel like this alone time in important. Besides, I found a hostel/cafe that is open until 10pm and can use the Wifi connection anytime I feel the need to connect.  Really, as I sit here and think about the bigger picture the Universe, my higher self…whatever you want to call it has put me in a very ideal situation?  It’s the other stuff that I need to relax my thoughts on and trust that all is in divine order and that I’m right where I need to be.

To add to the blessings I’ve been given I also know that I am not alone, no matter how lonely I feel. My friends and family have been very supportive during every part of my journey.  I just hope that you all know how much you’re all in my thoughts and prayers everyday!  Life is good!  What angle are you coming from to change your perspective on your situation right now?  If something doesn’t feel quite right or you’re having a hard time getting out of a difficult energy maybe it’s time you approach the heart-shaped rock from a different direction helping you to achieve a different perspective?  Just sayin’!