The Shift of the Ages

While humanity and Mother Earth are going through there Shift of the Ages, I’m definitely getting ready to go through what I think will be my biggest shift of this life time for me.  It appears to me that this shift is even bigger than my Dark Night of the Soul shift that I wrote about some months ago.

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my blog due in big part to the fact that what I’ve been processing since my Heart-Shaped Perspective blog from November 5th has been so rapid and extraordinary for me that it’s been difficult to put it into words.  I just couldn’t seem to motivate myself to write down what I thought I was experiencing just before coming back to the Jungle.  The uneasiness that I was feeling about coming back, I understand now, what due to something that I was afraid to face.  And oddly enough, it’s also what I’ve asked to have changed about myself.  Well, here it comes.  Couple this with the 4D shifting and I feel like I’ve been tossed in the Cosmic Washing Machine being forced to find my center and focus.  I don’t feel like I’ve got much of a choice.  Anyway, the premonition was correct.  In fact, I could feel it in Lima.

The bus ride from Cusco to Lima was a total of about 22.5 hours through winding mountain roads in the darkness of night. I left Cusco at 5pm and the sun was already setting, so I wouldn’t see the sun again until 5:30am the next morning.  I was blessed with a very clean and professional bus service.  They fed us snacks twice and fed us breakfast in the morning a few hours away from Lima.  I was very impressed especially for the price that I got the ticket.  For the most part, aside from the curves in the mountains, this was a far more enjoyable bus ride than my previous trip from Pucallpa to Lima.  My stay in Lima was actually nice this time.  I didn’t allow myself to get swindled this time.  My room was a bit tiny but it had it’s own shower.  I got to shop for some badly needed underwear and sandals and I got to taste some of the best, and cheapest, Lomo Saltado made by a small mom-and-pop restaurant.  I got to spend time with my friend Felipe and we had great conversation talking about life.  It was very comforting to me and helped get my trip to Pucallpa off my mind for a few hours.

Now, the trip back to Pucallpa was not on as nice a bus but it was clean.  The bathroom didn’t work again.  I’m beginning to wonder if any of Trans Mar’s busses have a working toilet?  Oh, well…the price was right again.  They did feed us two snacks but did not buy us breakfast, mainly because we pulled into Pucallpa an hour earlier than scheduled.  We arrived at 6:20am.  The 15 hour trip over the Andes is always exciting.  You have very windy roads, very slow heavy haul trucks going 2 miles per hour, raging rivers off to the left of the bus, military guards boarding the bus to protect you from potential robbers who also asks for a propina, which is a tip.  You have flood waters crashing over parts of the highway that had been previously washed of its concrete foundation making it a very slow go at times.  The movies were definitely the worst movies I’ve ever scene.  There were three of them and each film had the same theme.  It was about these screaming, nasty, spoiled cheerleader type girls in college and it was all in spanish.  Needlesstosay, I didn’t get much sleep on the bus and by the time we had pulled into Pucallpa at the butt crack of dawn, I had fallen into a fairly deep sleep.  So, now I had to get my groggy butt off the bus to collect my luggage and hope it was all still down there.

I decided that I wasn’t going to go to the port right away to catch a boat to Tierra Vida.  I knew I was going to  be walking into a retreat in progress and that Jill and Casey could potentially be distracted and maybe even a little tired and stressed.  I decided to go get a good breakfast and juice myself up with some stronger Peruvian coffee and check internet and let everyone know I made it safely.  Then it was off to the Port of Yarina where I would begin my journey into another dimension.  At least that was a big insight I believed I received just before leaving for Lima.

The weather was very hot and sticky.  It didn’t take long for me to begin sweating especially with having to lug around a 40 pound backpack and lighter rolling suitcase type.  Even after getting rid of old clothing and things I just didn’t feel attached to, I still had two full bags of stuff.  How did that happen?  I came down with one bag and a smaller backpack.  Weird.  Anyway, the trip on the collectivo boat back to Tierra Vida suddenly began a very difficult process.  Something was different.  It didn’t feel the same as when I was there before.  I wasn’t exactly expecting that it would be but I didn’t realize how dramatic the feeling would actually be.  It took me several, several days of wondering if I had made the right decision to come back.  What came to me one night was that it wasn’t the energy of Pucallpa or Tierra Vida that had changed.   It was me that had changed.  As I looked back at the changes from being in the Sacred Valley and Ollantaytambo, I saw how the energies of fear and lack and fear have very dramatically shifted in me.  It doesn’t mean I don’t still experience fear but it’s more about what I do with it when I’m confronted with it.  I feel like I’m being downloaded with ways of transforming my perspective, repainting my world, touching up the flaws and repairing and restoring myself back to my original version, only in the flesh this time.

As I’ve spent time on this land again for the last three weeks, I’ve experienced a lot of difficult emotions.  The rainy season has arrived and we’ve been living in fairly wet conditions especially during this last retreat.  The mud and mosquitos proved to be a bit of a challenge but when it’s wet all the time if tests us all in many ways.  It’s difficult to wash and dry clothes in the rains.  We have a system for dealing with the mud inside of the buildings.  We take our shoes off outside.  It gets pretty humid and you might was well plan to take a few showers during the day.  Walking, walking, walking…we walk everywhere and sometimes 4 or 5 times to and from the front to the back of the property where the Moloka  and Tambo #5 are.  That’s takes about 3 minutes if it isn’t rainy and muddy.

One day, I realized that I could be in deep kimshee if I didn’t learn to change my perspective, accept responsibility for the decision I made, look at the bigger picture, be grateful for the decision I made because I mean, I really set myself up this time.  I asked to change certain things about myself.  I’ve asked to more fully understand what my own personal spiritual development is all about apart from everyone else.  I’ve asked to be given back the ability to tap into unending strength in every moment and I’ll be dammed if I’m not manifesting every single thing I’ve asked for.  These next 4.5 months are not going to be easy.  Yeah, yeah, I know…what you say and what you think is what will happen.  But this is different for some reason.  I know it will be difficult because my ego is about to go through the grinder and I am being asked to find and keep my center in all moments.  Cool thing is I actually believe I can do it.  I will have my Qi Gong and meditation times but my focus is refining and though I know not where it leads it’s being screamed at me to stay only in the present moment right now.  Uh….ok!  This could be a little tough but I’m not willing to stand there and not try.

I feel like this period I’m down here in the jungle is going to be one of the biggest shifts I’ve ever experienced.  It’s a bit scary because it means another rebirth, another shedding of the outer skin that no longer serves my highest good.  The road feels rough ahead in spots but the final outcome is like a bright shinning light that radiates it’s energy in all directions for all to benefit.  We are the warriors of the light.  The darkness serves it’s purpose, too, and shouldn’t be ignored.  It should be given equal attention because the dark and the light are every bit a part of who we all are.  One cannot exist without the other.  Our shadow side, our ego has taught us many lessons.  I’m sure this is rudimentary to many of my enlightened friends but it never hurts to send out a reminder.

So, to update everyone.  I’ve now worked through 1.5 retreats and we have a new retreat starting on December 28th with 14 guests.  This is a very large group for us.  We will be busy!  The previous two retreats went really well.  Casey and Jill began training me and handing over things little by little as if I was actually running the retreat.  The responsibility is overwhelming.  I will be the goto guy for the whole operation.  This includes managing the native workers, two volunteers, taking care of the maintenance that needs to be done including the filling of our important water tanks, brewing of new batches of Ayahuasca, making sure the kitchen operations are going smoothly.

Thankfully, we have Gary that will take care of most of the kitchen needs.  I just have to make sure that the shopping gets done for each day.  I also have to keep a budget and record food, transportation, gas and labor for the workers.  I’m also responsible for handling all the money and receiving money from the guests.  I’ll have to exchange money often times because guests usually bring dollars.  Hmmph!  That’s just the tip of the iceberg.  I’m very thankful that we will have two volunteers and our Chef Gary to assist.  So, Gary and I are essentially the facilitators of this retreat.  But I will carry more responsibility.  We’re both a little nervous but we also know what we are capable of.

One of the things that will be hard is not having a lot of personal time.  I will have to be visible for much of the day to answer questions, visit with guests and all the while make sure the bathrooms and showers are getting cleaned each day, tending to guests requests and the other things I listed earlier.  Pretty much during a retreat I will not be coming into town except a few times maybe to communicate with Jill and Casey.  Actually, we’re not sure how that is going to work out yet but we’ll figure something out before they leave.  So, personal time issues are going to be a challenge.  That includes limited time on the internet.  If I’m coming into town to check email I won’t have much time to respond to messages.  It’s only when I can get a hotel for the night or we have a few weeks between retreats that I can use the internet more.  So, communication is also going to be a challenge for me.  This retreat doesn’t end until January 5th.  I won’t be able to really do internet until after the 5th when I can get a hotel room again.  So, that sucks but it is what it is and I’m being grateful for having a whole night to myself in an airconditioned room with a hot and cold shower, a pool, Wifi and all for a very reasonable price.  What a great blessing.  Oh, and this is our News Years 2012 retreat, so we will be in ceremony on New Years Eve.  I’m so down with that!  I can’t wait to facilitate that ceremony.

The list really goes on.  When I make it through this I hope to see that golden light radiating from my being to benefit everyone and everything.  Sounds weird, I know, but this is what my heart tells me now.  The shift is happening.  I know many of you can see it in everyday things.  Items appear one day and are missing from the exact spot the next day.  Feelings of nothing being real around you can be common.  A feeling of being disconnected but not really disconnected.  A feeling like all you can see is a fog ahead of you.  You’re not being allowed to view anything in the future right now or you may not see through a specific period and but then on the other side you see once again events that go beyond that point.

Bring it on.  Mistakes and all.  Let’s just get this over with.  I’m done with being messed with and manipulated by energies that don’t understand or simply disregard the Law of Free Will.  I’m done with my emotions being manipulated.  I’m almost ready to fully be in my own power.  Oh God, that was a mouthful.  And Yes, I did say “Almost”.  There’s still a little more resistance to work through but I predict that I will have worked through it by the end of my first retreat in January.  And if I don’t then at least I will know that I’ve made it through another layer of making this important transformation.

One really positive thing that I think is cool is I came here with very little money.  During the course of the last two retreats I was able to do about 12 or 13 massages and earn a little money.  Talk about the Universe taking care of me.  And the list goes on.  Many blessings to be found in this situation.

“Oh dear Creator!  Keep feeding me that yummy “strength” vibration.  It’s working!  You’re awesome!”

–Love,  Steve